Ask

Ask.... for wisdom.

God, You are more than willing to give Your wisdom to me. You want me to know how to live a godly life. Please make me eager to listen and discern Your voice. Give me a desire to obey You so that when You speak, I act with joy-filled faithfulness....In Jesus' name, Amen.

This is "just" the prayer from the daily devo on today's YouVersion bible app. Just as I was meditating on my at least 10 y.o. Pray for Wisdom card from City Church, Nipomo, those years ago...and seeing the subjects/areas I'd asked for wisdom for in past years, including this month.

James 1:1-5 says anybody who seeks wisdom should simply ask God for it, and God will give it generously to anyone who asks. He offers it freely thru a relationship with Him. Gives us opps to practice it and grow in our trust in Him. As I trust Him with my choices, I begin to see wisdom flourish in my life. First step=ASK. Humbly come and admit my need for help.He generously gives all i need. Thank you Lord I can and am trusting you with my relationships, my words, my sleep and all areas of need in my life.

Is this the place?

 Is this the place to let it all out? out of my mouth, mind, spirit, onto the page...gasp, for others...to read, behold, see into me.

Into me you see: intimacy.

the real kind. the kind that allows true connection.

Now skip to the last paragraph because the next 2 are just blah blah.

Full moon awoke me again this a.m. Not the silly up at 4:20 of yesterday, but a more bothersome 3:42 which drove me straight to aubergine, the worn out slept on couch purchased before we were married which has a gaping hole neither one of us have taken pains to fix.  Me, because I developed a habit of waiting on the head of the household (Dad growing up) to fix all my broken things. Him, because he grew up able, willing, unstoppable to diy, expecting others to take care of their own s@it, and I guess it must not be a priority to him. I certainly don't wanna become any way a nagging spouse...but since I DO have an affinity for the ol' girl including spending the first hour of today meditating in and out of sleep while listening to the lovely "Scriptures to fall asleep by" which includes ocean's ebb and flow sounds, (I kept it playing even now as it's quite encouraging and mental and spirit energy boosting), I can start again to research the best how to.  Yes, the whole has gotten about 3-4x larger, but the materials I've put in there or the blankets/pillows I've put on top, have NOT fixed it well enough to restore it over to the MAIN COUCH position, and I'm not fond of this one under my bum right now.  

Apparently I can write about anything.  This stream of consciousness is both ludicrous to me as well as interesting, for that aforementioned realization.  Wordy-worderton, for sure.  Ahhh, love the syncing of understanding through old tv shows/movies.  Guess that's what's going on today with the other 3 in my nuclear family with memes these days. 

I'm old fashioned, and that's ok.  They're new fangled, and that's also ok.  Opposites absolutely attract.  It's just sticky when we marry.

Why not blog

THIS POST IS FROM 5/14/19 After embarrassing myself multiple years, this one was the cherry on the 12 foot high cupcake. And it almost devastated me. In fact, it did, but God.

Have you ever seen someone just free to sincerely express themselves without fear of backlash? Perhaps this seems so obvious it sounds ludicrous to some...but for reasons both known and yet to be revealed, I have had serious issue with this feature myself. Only when with a true blue friend (a rare and precious commodity indeed) or a brother, have I managed this elusive-to-me state (and there’s no “of being”) and not for very long...paranoia sets in to steal away further expression. What the hell is that? I know it’s not right. “Be your normal self “ came outta my mouth a few years ago, sending my bff and I in fits of rolling laughter, tears streaming...and still speaks to me this day as that true blue refreshes my memory and feeds my soul the way only a lifelong friend can. 

I return to my hometown to bury my father next week. Only he’s my dear ol dad, Jovial Joe, NOT some estranged man who never (fill in the blank here). My dad flew all the way to Japan to get me out of a mental hospital! He’s been my hero forever it seems, even when I was too small-minded to play basketball my senior year of high school, all butthurt at having only been put in for the last 10 seconds of our state playoffs the year before. (He was assistant coach).  My friend recently helped me thru that painful memory as I realized his kindness in putting me in for that brief stint, so I could say I had played in the Seattle Center Coliseum.

PS 11/16/24 It doesn't seem that I revealed whatever shamefulness was upon me as I first posted this...yet I am coming slowly up for air. And I must say, it's fresh and good: Delicious, in fact.  Finally being real, facing my demons and with others' help and prayers, especially in small groups in my local church, I am growing...dare I say "up"? Is this what that means?  Because if so, it's actually NOT some preconceived awful notion as in the Stones' lyric: What a drag it is, getting old....true in some ways, but in this way: liberating, necessary as oxygen, and honestly life-giving. Longing for connection? That's not a shameful sin.  It's part of our human fabric. I find myself stirring....this happens in the best falls (season, not action)  Perhaps this time I'll follow through....peace out flower children. LOL

Breaking Free, Post #2

9/17/17 was the day I started rejournaling....and thought of the significance of day 17 for me.  Day of release from prison.

New day. Yes indeed. 4:00 a.m. though. Seems a bit early.  Maybe I am living on not "Tulsa time", but Florida time or East coast at least?

What valuable thing was I wanting to share here?

Anyone else ever feel like you have a book burning within you?  Or at least a whole jumble of words that need to come out of your head so you can get some peace and quiet or rest?

There have been some lovely small breakthroughs for me personally of late that I am noticing and hereby recording:

kitchen talk with ma-in-law, friendly, copacetic, non-threatening (it CAN be done!) including declarations of breakthrus going on for them also!
upbeat day despite moody teen, demanding kinderaged amazing girl
whole hour phonecall with bff from 20 years ago- I DID get a wee bit guilty as the covered-in-sidewalk-chalk blue handed imp whined slightly for not having full audience participation.
some creative juices flowing
freedoms resurfacing/fighting to take ground

synchronicity: timely divine opps. such as driving separately to church on Sunday allowed me to encourage at least 3 ladies, praying with each one individually and receiving awesome words from others; free swimsuit and swimdress for Luli from the thrift store;

What's next?  IT'S ALL GOOD!

Peppermint, Lavendar, Eucalyptus and now biofreeze

To blog is to let the racing thoughts cool out.  Or is that the biofreeze on my neck, bathrobe and yes, even hair- oops! talking? 

Migraine, it must've been.  What eventually was either an incredibly slow-acting, albeit expired in February or so, acetaminophen dose or else the lovely combo of prayer, peppermint, lavendar and eucalyptus oils, finally shut that trainwreck on my head off at about 11:30 p.m. Awakening at 3ish amidst strong dreams in what has been a slight pattern, I am happy to report only a level 1 or 2 at present.  Thoughts of folk I've known who suffer from migraines popped thru my brain.  THAT is a REAL nightmare.

I have not bothered (too chicken at present) to re-read any of my previous posts, but find it interesting to have the same possible biorhythms operating once again.  Ah, words.  You say potato, I say po-TAH-to.  You say creative, I say watch out for insomnia...but maybe that's just because in the past it was "You say bi-polar, I say HELP! Skip the labels and just help me." Thankfully that was quite a long time ago now.

I still wonder how many folk go thru sleep deprivation.  It seems accepted as a rite of passage almost lately.  Hope the oils help someone out there!

👧💛👯👪

11/11/13, breaking free series, post #1

Awoke at 12:49am with butterflies in my stomach and a pending sense of expectation that good things are about to happen...this turned into delight which kept me up for hours. Hey, I'll take it!  It beats my general attitude the past 10 1/2 months or more.  It is a strange thing to lose sleep regularly and progressively...It prompted me to check out my own blog, yet I admit I haven't the desire, nor the courage at present to read thru it all yet.  SO please, don't feel like you need to either!  haha.  This started an ever-amazing chain of events which is still going on, now 6 days.  I am trusting that by tomorrow, Sunday, I shall have a true day of rest including sleeping a healthy amount.  I did go to the Healing Rooms of SMValley on Tuesday and believe the instigator of robbed sleep was apprehended amidst some seriously fun worship times, amazing prayer and words spoken over me which lifted my spirit like never in my life.  The wrong-recording that's been playing over and over in my head this past year has been disabled, replaced by wonderful, unlimited potential, mercy and grace.  The moment I entered the Healing Rooms reception area, I felt a sense of homecoming and was immediately ushered into God's love for me personally, as I heard the sweet rich tone of the worship leader singing about our souls.  I'd thought I'd left home too late to participate in the live worship. It was as moving as ever.  Word given on "REST"- appropo for me certainly.  It ALL was.  Everything connected in a supernatural way.  "Let it rain, let it rain.  Open the floodgates of heaven!" we sang and to my heart's delight, that is truly what I've been living this week.  Finally, the long-sought after abundant life.  Does this mean everything's easy-peasy?  Not at all.  Just able to deal, with patience (need lots of help here) including good atittude, which I consciously re-apply throughout daily events.  Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all we can ask, think, or even imagine....

A Year Later...

Life surely has been loopy. Psyched to say we're on the uppercrust to stay.
Thin crust pizza is best.
It just doesn't get any better than a certain so-n-so's.
Life on the central coast is amazingly beautiful, just like my son, now 3.

Magic Beans

Ah-HA! My friend Dr. K. gave me a magic bean to try last night to eat w/ a piece of toast. We'd just finished soaking at her place w/ our hubbies and I was already wonderfully relaxed and ready to hit the hay. Pau was wound up. As I climbed into the freshly changed and just changed to soft jersey-tee sheets, implored my hubba to handle the lil Pea. I fell asleep almost instantly. Roused a bit for the boys entering the bed-esp. the lil squirrel who got all nesty and rooted around as if he were a much smaller child. He is SO tall! Ppl. think he's 3, but he's 2 & 5 mos. today.

Slept pretty well. Lots of dreaming...but by the time I got up, couldn't remember details much. Rose to use the bathroom and remained up for just 45mins. from 1:35 to 2:15a.m. This is a record of late! Woke up here and there from dreams and Pau's moving around, but drifted back off easily each time and then noticed N. rising at 5:30 so I did too. At a regular, decent hour! PTL!!!

When Pau first discovered M&M's with a What's That?? His poppa responded with those are magic beans. I WANT some of dose. After that things like redhots or small round candies were also dubbed magic beans by Pau.

Sugar Coma, 9/30/06

Ever had a sugar coma? My takes the form of a dry, parched mouth and a neckache, akin to a hangover which I'm thankful to not have experienced in quite a few years now. But these neckaches have been occasional. Messes with my sleep, which in turn messes with my husband, who in turn messes with me!

Where the Spirit is, there is liberty. Was blessed to get in a little walk before work 2 days ago with Pau even in the stroller for quite a bit of it- a huge feat! Can always use the excuse of crossing Pomeroy (too much traffic) to get him saddled in there and then just try to go fast (I actually began jogging , daydreamed of getting a better stroller like a beast-of-burden hand-me-down from K-and will call her to see if she has anything comparable-and becoming a runner, 90 seconds later I was thru running) and keep him distracted/occupied with talk about anything and everything or singing until he finally fusses for a breakout. As we headed down Waypoint Rd. toward Camino Caballo, I thought of Georgina and how I'd meant/planned to leave my phone number for her for her Japanese exchange student to call...she was to be here thru July. Oops, missed it! But instead of beating myself up about it, I'm moving forward/on. So I pressed toward her home and heard a lot of commotion. Saw Bunyon Bros. tree service vehicles at her place on the corner. Pau and I strolled up to chat with the Stop sign guy. I wanted to invite him to our church, but how to get the ball/conversation rolling and not come across all Jeezy-wheezy (as Kathy LoBello used to say)? I didn't have to worry about it b/c the Holy Spirit led the rest. Introduced myself and his name was David. "Biblical name? What's your background...?" He shared how he's been here about 6 mo. I wanted to say something about come to City Church and he said, "I attended Jubilee in Yute Creek (? I must've misheard him and not knowing CA, I tend to not say anything while trying to process where somebody means) and I've been looking for a church here. I want to get involved."!!!! I physically stepped toward him (involuntarily) and invited him, looking in my stroller for a touchcard, wishing I'd had the foresight to bring one, mentally noting to have some in there in the future.

Meanwhile this Rotweiler-looking black lab mix trots over. I stroll Pau around so she doesn't have sandwich-access, just in case...Nick warned me about recent child-maimings by strays. David kindly takes her collar while we chat. She remains docile and seems friendly. I notice Georgina up on her deck in the distance watching the guys take out the Eucalyptus trees. She may/not have seen me, but retreats inside before the end of our conversation. And it's only 8:20 in the a.m. I assume that she recognized me simply due to the stroller and Paulo, but maybe not. Pau and I go back home and the doggie comes all the way, despite me telling her to go home, being somewhat forceful, patting her behind and whatnot-she's just a loveable lump of fur. I was apprehensive of what might happen back at the Palace. Would she dig up Mae's gorgeous gardens? Try to eat Ginger or Pantera? Raise Cain with Ginger barking up a storm? Turn evil and vicious toward Duas Avos, Paulo or Mae if they came outside unknowingly? Poked my head in the door with my hand on her collar, keeping her away from Pau, still in his stroller observing and no doubt learning stuff. Hello?! Someone bring the phone outside! Avo Avelinha uses her emergency yelp to summons Mae, pronto. She's sweet on the dog from the start and hangs on to her as I call the County # on her tag. They give me 2 #'s saying both show as black labs, not rotweilers. The first one, no answer. The 2nd one is a rental property biz. "Ken" graciously says he'll check around w/ those who live in Nipomo and call us back. I leave for work realizing I could lure her back to her original place on Waypoint, and that's what I carefully do in the car. She's back by David and I roll down my window and hand him a touchcard with my name on it. You see, the Lord chose to speak thru that mutt!